Once I was
by norrific
Summary: Helplessly, Jax watched as the ambulance pulled away. Lights and sirens blaring, he felt as though his entire life was heading away from them. Alternate version of season 6 finale that leads to AU season 7
1. Chapter 1

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: Like so many others, I was upset and heartbroken over the finale. And as such I decided to rewrite the finale and continue it into a AU season 7. As always Eve Levine was a big help on this story. Hope you all enjoy.**

**Chapter 1**

It was over. Despite the fact that Jax would be going away and she'd no doubt have to move the boys away from the only home they knew, Tara couldn't help the rush of relief she felt. Finally the looming fear, anxiety, and sadness she'd been living with the last few weeks, or since Opie died if she were being honest, was gone, and she felt like she could breathe again. There was a lot that still needed doing. She had to find a new job, find a place for her and the boys to go, say goodbye to Jax. None of which would be easy.

Tara had loved Jax since she was sixteen years old, but it was a love that was never easy. Sometimes, she questioned if it was even worth it at all. But even with all the issues they had recently, she was not eager to see him go away again. In the same vein, despite what happened in that ratty motel room, Tara wasn't sure where they stood. More, and maybe what was worse, she wasn't sure if she wanted it to be anything more than what it was. She loved Jax, knew in her bones she always would, but lately she found herself imagining the easy life she'd have without him.

The noise in the kitchen broke her out of her reverie. Despite the relief she had felt only moments ago, old habits died hard and Tara found herself reaching into for the gun she carried there. She hated having it on her with the boys around, but once she made the decision to leave Jax having the gun on her only seemed to make sense. Her movements were slow, cautious. Unser's truck was in the drive, but a voice in the back of her head reminded her that Unser would do anything for Gemma and Gemma would do anything to keep Jax in Charming, in the club.

"Wayne?" She tried to keep the anxiety out of her voice, she thought she only just succeeded. When she received no answer, her hand wrapped around the handle of the gun. And when the figured stepped into the kitchen-the wild out of control look she knew so well in her eyes-Tara was relieved to feel the weight of the .38.

The tragedy was, despite everything they'd been through recently, Tara couldn't bring herself to pull the gun and point it at Gemma. It hurt that this was what their relationship had come to. Gemma was the only mother Tara had ever known and she loved her. Loved even though she knew that if it came down to Gemma and her boys, her boys would win every time. But it was that love that had her running instead of pulling the gun, and it was that love that cost her those precious few seconds and a blow to the head.

Later Tara would realize that it was the gun that saved her life. Her finger had been on the trigger when Gemma grabbed her, causing the gun to go off. She wasn't sure what Gemma hit her with, but she would have sworn she actually saw fucking stars. Her reaction was purely instinctive, the need to survive guiding her movements. When Gemma swung her around, Tara threw her weight so that her forward momentum had them both careening into the counter. Her head was pounding, her vision blurred, slowing her reaction time. But she was aware enough to know that Gemma's reaction time was slowed as well.

When the older woman pushed off the counter, drunkenly lunging for her Tara moved, causing Gemma to fall into the ironing board. She tried to make for the door again, but Gemma grabbed her ankle, sending her spiraling to the ground. And not for the first time Tara wondered what the hell was taking Eli so damn long to get into the house. She thought she may have hit her head again as the pain seemed to be radiating through her blood. She wanted to throw up, she wanted to curl into a ball and cry. She needed to get up and get out, she had to get away for her boys. For Jax.

Gemma would kill her, even if she hadn't seen it in her eyes, Tara felt it in her gut. If she didn't move, if she didn't do something, Gemma was going to kill her. And she couldn't let that happen, _wouldn't_ let that happen. Her boys needed her, Jax needed her. She told Abel everything she did was for him and Thomas. The most important thing she could do for them was get up, to live.

The pain was excruciating, paralyzing her and stealing her breath so that she couldn't even cry out. She tried to kick out, couldn't understand why her legs didn't work. Tried to wiggle free, but Gemma had climbed over top of her body heavy and sluggish. She made the mistake of glancing over her shoulder, saw the wild manic look, and sobbed at the realization that she'd kissed her boys for the final time without even knowing it.

* * *

The sound of the gunshot had Eli reacting immediately. His hand going to the walky talky on his shoulder to call in back-up even as he drew his gun and began moving towards the house. He was aware of Ortiz moving as well and had little to no time to make a decision. Anything was possible with the Sons and maybe he should have been prepared for something like this, even though part of him wasn't sure he believed that Teller would hurt his wife. It was the same part that always doubted Dr. Knowles would turn on her husband. Still after the loss of his own wife and unborn child, he vowed not to let two small children lose the mother who was willing to give up everything for them.

So he allowed Ortiz to get ahead of him despite everything in his gut telling him to rush inside. But Ortiz was a wild card, unstable and lost, ever since he and Potter put the squeeze on him. He allowed himself to think this was a set up, even though he knew in a set up Ortiz should not have moved ahead of him. But it was the justification he used to move in close behind the biker, raise his gun before bringing the butt down hard on the back of Ortiz's head causing the man to crumble to the ground at the steps leading into the house. He was alone until his back up arrived and though he heard the sirens in the background, Charming wasn't that big and the Sheriff having called in back up gained a quick response time, he had to control the scene as best he could against a group that seemed to stop playing by their own rules.

* * *

Because Thomas seemed intent on trying to pull one of the patches off his kutte, Jax had a difficult time trying to juggle his son in one arm while using his other hand to reach for his ringing phone in the back pocket of his jeans.

Abel was sitting on the counter, his attention focused completely on one of Chucky's fake hands. Tig, who was leaning against the counter, using the other hand to poke Abel in the belly, causing the kid to giggle, glanced up with a puzzled look on his face.

"What's up with the sirens, brother? I thought they were picking you up from home quietly."

"That's not my ride, bro." Jax finally managed to pull his phone free and one glance at the number tanked his mood. He thought he had more time with his boys and time still to go home to spend with Tara. "Don't know what that shit's about. Yeah?" He spoke into the phone.

"Mr. Teller, I thought we had a deal."

Jax nodded to Bobby to take Thomas, he had a feeling this conversation was only going to piss him off. "What the hell are you talking about? We agreed to nine o'clock. I'll be there."

"Then what the hell is going on at your house. A call came in at the station, Eli requesting back-up…" Patterson trailed off. "Where's your wife, Mr. Teller? Are all your club members accounted for?"

Jax glanced around the ice cream shop even as his fingers went numb causing him to drop the phone. Juice. He sent the other man off with a warning. How could he still be so fucking stupid? He knew Juice wasn't completely stable, knew he couldn't be trusted.

"Jackie?" Chibs' voice was quiet though there was no mistaking the concern there. "Everything okay."

Jax could only speak one word. "Tara." He barely managed a look towards Rat to make sure their newest member knew to stay with his sons. There was no doubt in his mind that Bobby, Chibs, Tig, and Happy would be right behind him.

* * *

There was a time when Tara use to joke that you could get anywhere in Charming in five minutes, but Jax thought the only ride in his life that may have been longer was the one he took to trade the Priest for Abel. In reality he got to the house not long after the EMTs. There was no way to tell, just from the scene, exactly what had happened. His brain only just barely registered Unser's truck in the driveway. He saw Juice standing off to the side talking to a couple of cops holding what looked like an ice pack to the back of his head. Neighbors he'd only seen in passing were crowded on the sidewalk and Jax resented everyone he had to push his way pass to get to the house.

"I'm sorry, sir." A young uniformed officer stepped in front of Jax just as he cleared the crowd. "You can't go in there."

Jax could have pointed out that this was his home, which he was sure the officer knew. He could have mentioned that Patterson had called him. It was all he could do not to shout that his wife was likely inside. But that would have taken time, so he simply shoved the cop out of his way. His forward progress, however, was halted when he saw the paramedics bringing the stretcher carrying Tara out of the house. She was propped up on her side, Jax could see something sticking out of her back, while Patterson was holding her hand barking orders.

Jax moved so quickly the distance between them was practically non-existence. It wasn't his intention to shove Patterson out of the way, he was just trying to get to Tara. "Babe? Babe?" Seeing the handle of whatever it was that had been buried in her back twisted something inside him, almost as if it had been driven into him. He couldn't stand to see it there, couldn't stand to think it was still causing her pain. Thinking only easing her pain Jax reached for the handle only to have his hand knocked away by one of the Paramedics.

"Sir," One of the paramedics shouted. "Don't do that."

"Take that out. It's hurting her." She had to be okay, he didn't know who or what he'd be without her.

"Take that out and she can bleed to death before we can even get her to the hospital."

"I'm riding with you."

"Mr. Teller," Patterson grabbed his arm. "I need to speak with you."

Glancing over his shoulder, Jax looked at her as if she sprouted a second head. The paramedics never stopped moving. "Are you fucking kidding me? My wife…"

"They need to get Dr. Knowles to the hospital as quickly as possible and they don't need you in the way. And I think you may want to hear what I have to say."

Helplessly, Jax watched as the ambulance pulled away. Lights and sirens blaring, he felt as though his entire life was heading away from them. "What could possibly be more important than my wife?"

"Jax," Bobby's voice was quiet as he came up behind him. "Gemma."

Because most of him was in the back of the ambulance with Tara, it took Jax a moment to figure out what Bobby was saying. And still it really didn't register when he looked up to see Roosevelt leading his mother out of the house in handcuffs.

Patterson didn't even have to turn around to see what drew Jax's attention. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. It seems your mother received some…faulty information regarding our agreement."

"What are you talking about?"

"She was lead to believe that Tara ratted. And then, apparently, got it in her head to come over here and do something about that."

It was too much for him to believe. Jax knew that his mother and Tara had their differences. Their relationship seemed as complicated as his own with each of them. But at the end of the day…they loved each other. They always had. It was why Gemma had been so angry when Tara left all those years ago. They may fight and occasionally plot against one another but…Tara hadn't even been conscious when they brought her from the house. No way would his mother attack her so viciously.

"Jackson," Gemma's voice, though slurred, was full of panic. "Jackson, I was just trying to protect you. It's all I've ever done. Jax…"

The words broke through the haze that clouded his mind but likely not in the way his mother intended. "Wait." His voice was loud, hard, and halted all the murmuring conversations going on around him. When he started to move forward-his movements slow and methodical-he felt Bobby and Chibs trying to stop him. But the ease at which he broke away from them had him thinking their efforts were half-assed at best. When he was no less than a foot away from his mother, he pinned her with cold blue eyes even as he addressed Roosevelt. "What happened?" His tone was quiet, deceptively calm, and tinged with something else that had the Sheriff answering him.

"When I got inside the house I came across Dr. Knowles laying barely conscious on the kitchen floor, she appeared to be bleeding, though I couldn't tell from where I was standing. And your mother was crouched over her, plunging what appeared to be a fork of some kind into the back of the helpless, semi-conscious mother of your children." On his best day Roosevelt barely had an opinion of Gemma one way or another. He didn't trust her, because of her associations, he couldn't trust her. Though often times he felt something like respect for her loyalty. But now, though he should remain biased, he could do nothing to disguise the disgust he felt for someone who would attempt to rip a mother away from her young children. And the brutality of the scene he came across made it all the more disturbing.

"Jax," Gemma searched blue eyes for her son, but was chilled by the stranger that was staring back at her. "It had to be done. It…I had to protect you."

There was no sneer, no glare, no nothing as he looked at her. "I need to get to my wife." With no acknowledgement of her, of their relationship, Jax knew Gemma would understand what he was saying to her. And with a nod towards Roosevelt, he turned and moved quickly to his bike.

* * *

"Unser," Tig's voice was quiet so not to be overheard by Jax. Their president was bent double in one of the waiting room chairs, hands clasped together behind the head he had buried between his knees. Tig thought the younger man hadn't taken a breath since they arrived and was told that Tara had been taken into surgery. "Who else could possibly have access to that information? And who else would rush over to tell Gemma?"

"Juice." Rat, who got the news on Tara and came immediately to the hospital, said with barely contained malice. He knew he was the new guy, that his say would carry little to no weight, even knew he was walking a thin line for leaving the ice cream shop. But he'd been responsible for Tara since before shit went bad between her and Jax. He always felt proud of the fact that Jax trusted him with his family, to protect them and keep them safe. Other's may have saw it as grunt work, errand boy shit. But Jax wasn't just a member, wasn't just their charter's president, he was The Son. So Rat never saw getting assigned to watch after Tara and the boys as grunt work, he felt honored by it. "Shit's been icy between him and the doc, lately. And he was practically calling her a rat before he even knew what was going on. Was all gung-ho to-" He knew better than to say what Juice was so gung-ho to do in public. More he couldn't say it, especially now. "He was there and he obviously didn't try to stop it." Which as far as Rat was concerned was Juice's biggest sin. The man had given Juice a job, one job, and he didn't do it. And now the president's Old Lady was on some table possibly bleeding out. Rending their president nearly fucking comatose. Someone had to pay for that. Why not the someone who didn't do what the fuck they were suppose to do.

"Rat," Bobby said the younger man's name when it looked like he was only gearing up. "Cool it." Not even twenty-four hours and he was feeling the weight of the gavel. Rat and Tig wanted someone to pay for what happened to Tara. They wanted blood and pain. But Tig couldn't bring himself to mention Gemma's name. Bobby couldn't say why Rat was gunning so hard for Juice.

Right now Bobby thought they all needed to be focused on Jax. If Tara died…there was nothing down that road for Jax but madness. He didn't know why the two of them couldn't ever catch a break. He never knew two people so right for each other, who so obviously belonged together, yet the universe itself seemed to conspire to keep them apart. "Now's not the time." And he couldn't think about what Jax would do, mostly because it scared the shit out of him.

Losing Opie had changed something in Jax, but even before that Jax responded badly whenever Tara was involved. There was the fed he'd thrown through the window of Floyd's shop and he and Tara hadn't even been together at the time. Then there was Salazar, Clay had seemed to be the only one operating under the ridiculous notion that when Jax went into Hale's office Salazar would be coming out of it alive. And when they thought the Cartel had been the ones responsible for Tara's kidnapping and smashing her hand, Jax responded by bringing a bazooka to a gun fight. Bobby couldn't imagine how Jax would react to this.

"Tara is Jackie's." Chibs reminded everyone. "It's his call."

"Excuse me?"

As one, the group of men all glanced over at the middle aged doctor that approached them. Jax was instantly on his feet, anxious for any word on Tara.

"Mr. Teller, I just wanted to inform you of your mother's condition."

As Bobby watched, Jax's eyes flashed dangerously before a shutter seemed to slam shut behind them. He shrugged and it was so careless and indifferent Bobby thought he would prefer the younger man get angry. And when he spoke, it was impossible to deny he meant what he said with every fiber of his being.

"I don't have a mother." And with that he sat back down, resuming the exact same position he'd been in before.

Bobby waited, thought Tig would maybe approach the doctor but when he only went to sit by Jax offering his silent support, SAMCRO's new president could only heave a sigh as he went to talk to the doctor. "How is she?"

"Few bruises, I guess Tara….Dr. Knowles didn't go down without a fight." The doctor paused and Bobby realized he wasn't just talking to Gemma's doctor, he was talking to one of Tara's colleagues and someone who clearly considered her a friend. "Due to her condition we ran a few tests, still waiting to hear back from her cardiologist but I don't think we'll be releasing her tonight. Want to be safe. She's still in custody, wants to see her son. Sheriff said it's up to him."

Bobby glanced over at Jax. "I don't think he's up for it." But someone had to speak to Gemma and by the looks of things that someone was him. "Sheriff still around."

"He's with Mrs. Morrow, sounded like he'd be the one staying with her tonight."

That at least, Bobby thought, made things a bit simpler.

The doctor hesitated a moment before taking a few steps towards Jax, not approaching him full on but moving close enough to gain his attention. "Mr. Teller, I just wanted to say, and I think I speak for everyone here when I say it, we're praying for Dr. Knowles to pull through this. She's a strong, determined young woman. And Dr. Ormond is our best surgeon."

"Second best." Tig and Chibs corrected.

"Right," The doctor smiled kindly. "Second best."

* * *

"Where's Jax?"

Bobby approached the foot of the hospital bed, not missing the cuffs on Gemma's right wrist and left ankle. "I don't think you want to see Jax right now, Gem."

"I need to see him, I need to explain."

"Yeah, I don't think any amount of explaining is going to fix this for you."

"I thought she was a rat. I was trying to protect Jax, the club."

"Is that what you're going to say to him, Gem?" Bobby's eyes narrowed on her. "Shit sounds pretty weak to me."

"Jax will understand."

Bobby didn't know if Gemma actually believe that or if she was just that deep in denial. "I think it's pretty safe to say that until he's sure Tara's going to make it out of this alive, Jax is not going to be very understanding of much of anything any time soon."

"I just need to talk to him."

"You may think you want to, but trust me darlin', you don't." As Gemma continued to look at him defiantly, Bobby leaned against the hospital bed, voice conspiratorially low. "How many people who have hurt Tara got anything resembling understanding from your boy? If you're having trouble just give Ima or Wendy a call, as how hurting Tara worked out for them, and they never even laid a hand on her."

Something not unlike fear flashed across Gemma's face before she resolutely pushed it down. "I'm his mother."

"And he loved Clay like a father."

"I'm his mother." Gemma repeated. "He knows I'd do anything to protect him."

"You nearly destroyed him!" Bobby snapped out before managing to catch himself. "I love that boy. I love him like a son. And I'm not going to let anyone break him, not even you. I _just_ got him back. When he laid out his plan, he was the man I always knew he could be, the man I laid the hope of this club on. He was at peace with his decision, at peace for the first time since Ope died. And you…_you_," He bit the word off so harshly Gemma flinched. "Go and fuck it all up. You better pray to God Tara makes it through this. Because if she doesn't that boy doesn't have a chance in hell. And the next time you see him, you may not like or recognize the man he is."


	2. Chapter 2

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: I really wanted to thank everyone for the review, alerts, and follows. I hope everyone continues to enjoy this story and that it helps with the heartbreak that was the finale. **

**Chapter 2**

His entire world shrank and narrowed until there was just Tara. Tara's smile, Tara's eyes. The feelings he tried to battle back the first time he saw Tara holding Abel. When she finally popped and he could see the proof of Thomas growing inside her. The way she said his name, her laugh. The way she spoiled Abel to sleeping in bed with her. How Thomas always went down easier when she sang to him. Her dry sense of humor. The feel of her lips against his. The taste of her mouth. How the lines of their bodies lined up so perfectly it was easy to believe they truly were made for one another.

Jax thought he knew what it was to hurt. Thought he knew what it was to be afraid. But nothing prepared him for what he felt when he saw her on that stretcher, to call out to her and for her not to respond. He couldn't lose her. She wasn't just his Old Lady, wasn't just the mother of his children. She was a part of him, what he believed to be the very best part. And Jax just didn't think he could go back to living a life without her.

Not to mention the boys. Abel could barely go two hours without seeing her before he was asking for her. Jax had only just recently learned that Tara often had to go down to the daycare to either take Abel back to her office or spend a little time with him there. The kid had already been through so much, Jax couldn't bare the thought of him losing his mother as well. More, it made him sick to his stomach to think that Thomas wouldn't remember her. Thomas wouldn't know the way she always smelled the top of his head before putting him in his crib at night. The way her arms would tightened around him just for those few seconds whenever she hugged him. Or all the other thousands of little things she did that Jax noticed because he noticed everything about her. Fuck, Jax thought his stomach twisting painfully, even Abel's memories would be hazy at best.

The guilt didn't creep up, but slammed into him full force. The guilt from not packing his family up and getting them out of Charming when he promised he would. Guilt from not listening to Tara the numerous times she tried to warn him just what a danger Gemma was to their family. Guilt from becoming so wrapped up in his own anger and grief that he all but abandoned his family. Only seeing them for the comfort and support they provided him with but giving very little in return. But worse than all of that was his jealousy.

Growing up Tara didn't have anything resembling a stable family home life. She had friends, but no one she was exceptionally close to. No one really knew her. And no one could claim to know her as Jax had. He hadn't just been her first boyfriend, her first lover, he'd been her best friend. And Jax was well aware of, and reveled in, the fact that he'd been her entire world. Even when she came back to him and he could see how important her career was to her, she put it in jeopardy time and again because he asked it of her.

She haunted him for ten years, his thoughts never truly free of her, so maybe he took a perverse sort of pleasure in knowing he was still the most important thing to her. In knowing that he was still her safe place as she'd always been his.

Maybe he should have put it together, the way it took her longer each night to come to bed because she needed to say one final goodnight to Abel. How the nursery had been her first stop every morning. There were some nights he'd come home late and find her sleeping in the rocking chair next to the crib. Jax could remember, after Donna's funeral, when everyone had gone back to Opie's, Tara had been holding Abel when someone-and fuck if he could remember who-told Tara she shouldn't hold the baby while he slept. Even now he couldn't help the proud curl of his lips at the dangerous glare Tara had sent. Maybe he felt that first twinge that day. And it had only been hard to pinpoint because he'd simply been overwhelmed by her attachment to his son, her dedication to him, that had simply made him love her more.

The day she was released there was no mistake, no twinge. When she saw Abel and Thomas she gave a smile that could light up an entire city block, showering both boys with kisses and I love yous until Thomas was squirming to get down and Abel clamoring for more. He was jealous, there'd been no mistaking it, jealous that she loved them so openly but couldn't seem to stand the sight of him.

He tried, pushing and prodding for her love. For her to look at him the way she use to, for some sign that he was an important part of her world. But everything she had, had been for the boys. Her love, her smiles, her kisses had all been for the boys. And often times left him feeling like a bum with his cup out begging for scraps. So he responded the way he always did. And he felt guilty for that as well.

Maybe they'd both been naive. He'd told her once-when he had her and an infant son-that he was willing to bleed and destroy himself for the club. And she told him she'd do the same for a child. Time and time again, he put himself out there for the club. Putting what was best for the club ahead of what was best for his family, what was best for himself. He took them for granted, took for granted what she'd told him. She always chose him, so he thought she'd always choose him. And he hated himself for the jealousy he felt that Tara had finally found someone she loved more than him, finally found someone she'd choose over him. Now he found himself wishing she'd made that choice sooner.

"Mr. Teller."

Jax shot to his feet. "Yeah? How is she? Can I see her?"

Dr. Ormond, who was very much aware of the fact that Dr. Knowles was married to a biker, and as such was prepared for the group of weary yet frightening looking men he came across in the waiting room. "She came through the surgery. She's in the PACU-"

"Pack You?"

"PACU: post-anesthesia care unit. Recovery," Dr. Ormond amended when Teller continued to look at him blankly. "It's just so that we can monitor her, make sure she comes out of the anesthesia without any issues and she's okay to be moved."

"Can I see her?"

"That's not really a good idea. At least not now. If all goes well when she wakes up, she'll be taken up to her room and you can see her there."

"What if it doesn't?"

"I really don't foresee a problem, I assure you. This is simply hospital policy, Mr. Teller." Dr. Ormond waited for that to sink in. He'd heard that Dr. Knowles husband could be a violent man, it wasn't a terrible surprise since he heard tales of Dr. Knowles' own violent temper. But the man in front of him seemed to be too deep in shock to respond one way or another to much of anything. "If you'd like to speak privately I can discuss the surgery with you."

Jax nodded, but glanced over at Chibs. "I want him to come. He understands all the medical stuff." And Jax thought he could use the support. As it was it took Chibs' hand on his shoulder to get him moving when the doctor lead them to a room just down the hall.

The doctor flipped a switch before pulling several large black and white X-Ray photos from a folder Jax hadn't even been aware of him carrying, before sliding them onto the white board on the wall, the light from behind it illuminating the images. And Jax winced at the site of the prongs piercing Tara's body.

"If this is too hard for you…"

"No," Jax had thought his reaction was subtle and realized how stupid that was. But he wouldn't turn away, he had to face this. Felt he owed it to Tara to face this. "Go ahead."

For some reason Dr. Ormond found his gaze going to the other man in the room, who gave him a curt nod to continue. "Do you understand what you're looking at?" He waited for Jax to shake his head. "Okay, so let's start here," He pointed at the first picture in the row. "These shaded gray areas, these are the kidneys. Two perfectly healthy intact kidneys. Now here," He pointed to the next picture. "Are dye enhanced images so you can see the arteries that run through that area. Now here," He got to the third image. "Is Dr. Knowles after she was brought in. Before we could do anything we had to be certain that there had been no damage to the arteries. Unfortunately there was…."

Jax felt a sort of lightheadedness, a buzzing sounding in his ears that was only quieted by Tara's voice.

_ "Feel where my fingers are, Teller. This is your kidney." _It was the night before the brawl with Weston's crew. Tara knew that Jax had been in his fair share of fights, had playfully kissed more than a few bruises. But this night she was scared and he understood she needed to do something, needed to prepare him in some way. And he may have been just a little turned on by the way she used her knowledge as a doctor to tell him just how to take a guy down even if it freaked him out a bit. _"One good shot here can drop a guy to his knees."_

_ "I know how to give a kidney shot, babe."_

_ "But I bet you were hitting somewhere in this area."_ Her fingers trailed down and to the side a bit. _"That hurts, but it's not truly the kidney. You want to hit __**here**__."_

"…then it was best simply to remove-"

"Wait," Jax shook his head as if to clear it. "You removed her kidney."

"Yes." Dr. Ormond's eyes narrowed. He didn't know if Jax had tuned out or if everything he said simply went over the man's head. "But not to worry, Dr. Knowles' other kidney…"

_ "Sounds to me like you have kidney stones." _Tara was standing behind Tig, placing all the equipment she used to examine him back into her medical bag which was sitting on the bar next to Abel's carrier. The kid had only been home a month or so at this point, but that didn't stop Tara from bringing him out whenever she left the house.

At her prognosis, Tig's eyes bulged. _"Fucking kidney stones. What the hell do you do for that?"_

_ "Obviously, I'll have to take the kidney."_ Her face and tone had been completely serious, causing all the color to drain out of Tig's face. _"But don't worry, you have another."_

It took Chibs to clue Tig in on the fact that she was joking. And it was a joke that Tig wouldn't appreciate until much later. Though Jax figured by the time he passed that first little stone, he probably would have much preferred she took the kidney.

"I see no reason why she shouldn't make a full recovery." At this, Dr. Ormond could see that whatever fugue Jax had been in cleared.

"When can I see her?"

"Again, Mr. Teller, she's being monitored right now. We just need to make sure she comes out of the anesthesia with no problems. Because she'll be admitted it's likely you won't see her until she's up in her room."

"How long?"

Realizing Jax was not going to be satisfied until someone gave him a definitive answer, Chibs jumped in before the doctor could speak. "Forty-five minutes to an hour." And he hoped to God that Jax would be able to see Tara by then.

"Okay," Jax nodded before holding his hand out to the doctor. "Thank-you."

They were barely back out in the waiting room when they were approached by a clearly upset Margaret Murphy.

"One of the nurses called me when Tara was brought in." The tears were still thick in Margaret's throat, her eyes were red and puffy, tears still streaking down her face. "My God who would do such a thing to her?" She asked as she lowered herself into the seat next to his.

"Gemma Morrow."

It took a moment for the response to connect to the reality of what was said. Margaret knew Jax could be cold and threatening, had seen it enough times from his mother to know where he got it from. But when he spoke the woman's name, it was like he was speaking of a stranger and not his own mother. She was so taken aback that she thought it safe not to even bother to continue down that road. "I hope you don't mind, I spoke with Dr. Ormond. He told me she'd make a full recovery."

"It's probably what Tara wants. You…you've been like a mother to her these last few years."

"Not a very good one." Margaret felt a fresh bout of tears come on. "I abandoned her when she needed me most."

Jax placed his hand over the one she had braced on the arm of the chair between them. He couldn't help the stray thought that she hadn't been the only one to abandon Tara recently. "She'll be glad you're back."

Margaret nodded, not expecting such kindness from Jax given what all she helped Tara do. But that was also a road she decided to stray away from. "I have Tara's things. Well, her boots." She handed them to Jax, they were the only item of clothing she had on that hadn't been completely stained with blood. Not that it mattered since the police took it all as evidence anyway. "And here's the necklace she was wearing and her wedding rings. Also, keep this pager on you. They'll call it when Tara's awake and you can see her."

Jax nodded, but his attention was focused on the rings in his hand. She still had her wedding ring, despite how bad things had got between them, despite not even being able to tell him she loved him, she still had her rings. He could still remember the day he proposed. Could still remember the love that filled him to bursting as he watched her with Thomas in her lap in that ugly ass grey robe that she somehow made work. Couldn't help but to smile when he thought about how her skin had glowed and the way he could smell himself on her. Or how she'd obviously tried to finger comb her hair into some semblance of order as if Thomas would take one look at it and know just what Daddy had done to Mommy. The smile she gave him broke everything inside of him and put it all back together again. He'd been so nervous, though he didn't know why. He knew she'd say yes, but for some reason was still scared shitless she'd say no.

And maybe the wedding wasn't the most ideal of circumstances, but he wasn't thinking about that. All he could think about was making her his wife, doing what he'd been dreaming of since he was sixteen. His eyes went to the band and the sweetness that came with the memory of making Tara his wife soured.

"I need to make a run."

Bobby turned to Jax. "You can not be serious right now, brother."

The hand holding Tara's rings clenched in a fist, but Jax kept his eyes trained on Bobby's. "I have to do this before she wakes up. I still have half an hour left, I'll be back before then." When Bobby still looked skeptical, Jax lowered his voice. "I have to do this Bobby."

"You better be back here before she wakes up."

"I will be. I promise."

Bobby nodded, but decided not to point out just how weary Tara had become of his promises.

* * *

Tara came awake slowly, reluctantly, and painfully. She felt as though someone had completely drained all the blood from her body and replaced it with quick drying cement. The room she was in wasn't overly bright but it was still painful to get her eyes use to what little light there was even behind her closed lids. She was in the hospital, knew that by sound and smell. Both of which were causing her head to pound and her stomach to roll.

Opening her eyes seemed like a bad idea, but she couldn't seem to stop it. The figure sitting besides her bed wasn't entirely clear, though the silhouette registered, and Tara thought she may have smiled. It was hard to be sure since she couldn't exactly feel her face.

"Hey, Darlin'." Bobby leaned forward, unable to keep the smile off his face at seeing her eyes finally blink open.

Tara tried to speak but only managed a croaked sound that hurt her throat and her head.

"Jax?" Bobby offered, glancing over his shoulder even as he reached for the call button. He thought about giving a shout but the way Tara winced each time he spoke, though his voice rose barely above a whisper, had him thinking better of it.

"No." The words were more mouthed than spoken but even thinking about shaking her head hurt. "My boys?"

"They're okay. We're taking care of them." He wasn't sure how much she remembered. Bobby was well aware of just how fuzzy the memory could be after surgery, he kind of hoped it was true for her. "These positions are usually reversed aren't they?"

She attempted another smile, and for reasons she didn't fully understand Tara lifted a heavy hand to give his beard a tug in response. She only just barely succeeded and by the time her hand dropped back to the bed she was asleep.

And naturally that was the moment the nurse decided to come in or more accurately, when the nurse was shoved in the room by a charging Jax.

"Is she up?"

To avoid getting pushed aside, Bobby stood up and stepped back to allow Jax to retake his place at Tara's side.

"She was, for like two seconds."

"What'd she say? She say anything?" Jax brought Tara's hand to his mouth even as he reached out the brush a strand of her hair off her forehead.

"Nothing." Bobby shrugged. "She asked about the boys and then she went back out."

"Vitals are fine, she's responding to outside stimuli." At the panicked look on the face of Dr. Knowles' husband, the nurse gave a kind smile. "She's sleeping. That's a good thing, she needs her rest."

"Thank-you." Jax's gratitude was mumbled into Tara's hand, his eyes trained on his wife as if he could wake her again by will alone.

"How are the boys?" Bobby asked as he went around to the side of the bed the nurse vacated.

"Thomas refuses to go down, I could hear him screaming in the background. Abel's been asking for his mom every five minutes. He asked me where she was at least three times." He knew the boys needed to hear from him, that it was important for Abel to speak to at least one of his parents. But something in his gut told him that the second he left the room Tara would wake up. He wanted, _needed_, to be at her side when she woke up. And now selfishly, he hoped she wouldn't remember. He wanted to be the first face she saw, he wanted her to know that he was with her. He was sick of letting her down, sick of breaking promises, and not being what she needed him to be.

"You should bring them."

With Tara's fingers still pressed to his lips, Jax shook his head.

"Jax," Bobby's voice was soft. "This woman went to lengths you didn't even think she was capable of for those boys. There's nothing a doctor can do, no drug they can give her, that will do for her what opening her eyes and seeing her boys will do. Thomas is young, maybe too young. But Abel, that's her little man, let her hear his voice."

"Her little man." Jax repeated, allowing his lips to curl into a smile. Abel was definitely Tara's little man and the kid knew it too. The first time he ever snuck into bed with them, Jax tried to get him to go back to his room. Even picked him up and carried him there himself, but somehow Abel had beat Jax back to Tara's side. Jax had given her his best pleading look, having been looking forward to being buried in his wife all day. It was a look that had always worked on Tara before. But it was in that moment he realized Abel had a look of his own and Jax learned that it trumped his look every time. The kid could get her to do anything, maybe he could get her to wake up.

* * *

He had Chibs go get the boys, Margaret informed him that she would keep Thomas with her until Tara woke up. And she must of seen the concern on his face because she began to explain that it was normal for Tara to still be asleep and assured him it was a good thing that she was resting. Jax wasn't sure if Abel understood what was being said, but he seemed to pick up on the general mood and the kid who, lately, wanted to walk and do everything himself insisted on being carried.

"Mr. Teller."

His heart dropped, his instincts telling him to run to Tara's room and lock himself inside. He'd forgotten, it didn't seem possible, but somehow he'd forgotten that he agreed to turn himself in. But hearing Patterson's voice, seeing her along with two uniform officers standing outside Tara's hospital room brought it all crashing back. "Look," He hated the hint of desperation that leaked into his voice. "I'm not going back on our deal, but can we just-"

"Mr. Teller, please." Patterson interrupted, gesturing down the hall where he knew a small waiting room sat empty.

Clutching Abel tighter to his chest, Jax reluctantly followed Patterson. He didn't want them to take him away in front of Abel, didn't want them to take him before he could see Tara's eyes again. He didn't want them to take him. What seemed like a good idea not even twenty-four hours ago, was now a living nightmare.

"Mr. Teller," Patterson began when they both took their seats. "I talked to my superiors and I got you a week."

It took a few moments before that sank in for Jax and his confusion must have shown on his face, since Patterson leaned forward and began to speak slowly as if to a child.

"You contact a lawyer, get them here to make sure everything is above board. You sign all the necessary paperwork, including an agreement to voluntarily turn yourself over to the proper authorities. But your movements must be confined to this hospital and your home. You agree to all of that, I can give you a week-seven days- before you have to turn yourself in."

The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of Patterson, in front of the cops, and it was harder to battle back the tears than he thought it would be. But a week was more than he had before and more than he thought he'd be getting. "You have my word. My son needs to see his mother, when he's with her I'll give the lawyer a call and have him call you with a time. Whatever time he gives, I'll be there. I promise."

"It's late or early depending on how you look at it. If you're not able to get in contact with him until tomorrow, giving you an extra day with you family, it'll be completely understandable."

"Why are you doing this for me?"

Patterson stood up. "I'm not doing this for you, Mr. Teller. I told you, I'm a mother and I've made mistakes. I'll be waiting to hear from your lawyer." She started to walk away only to stop walking when she reached the entryway. "I ran into that friend of your wife's, Margaret Murphy I believe, she said Dr. Knowles is going to pull through…I was glad to hear that." With that and a curt nod, she left.

"Can we see Mommy now, Daddy?"

Jax looked down at his son, couldn't help but smile sadly at the pout that was on his little face. A pout that was almost identical to Tara's that it didn't even seem possible. "Yeah," He dropped a kiss to the top of Abel's head as he stood up. "We're going to see Mommy now."


	3. Chapter 3

**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**Chapter 3**

He'd fallen asleep. Nothing too heavy, just a light doze, but enough for Abel to crawl out of his lap and onto the bed. Bobby left them alone, Jax still didn't know if that was a good thing or not. Abel didn't seem to know what to do with himself, not that he could blame the kid. The machines and lines and tubes running in and out of Tara scared him, he could only imagine what that did to a toddler. Still, by the time his head dropped forward jerking him awake Abel was sitting hip to hip with Tara, his legs tucked under him.

Silently he cursed Bobby, bringing the boys was a bad idea. Abel shouldn't be seeing Tara like this. He'd already been through so much, it just seemed wrong to put him through this as well. He could tell that seeing Tara this way upset Abel. He should be protecting Abel from this, the way he should have protected Tara.

Jax started to reach for Abel, to lift him off the bed and back onto his lap. Thought maybe he could try to get the kid to finally settle down to sleep for the night. But when he looked at Abel, finally really looked at him, he noticed there was a certain…calmness about him. Maybe that wasn't the right word since his fingers were twisting nervously in his shirt. But he didn't sound scared as he had before and it looked as though he'd stopped crying as well. Now that he was paying attention, he realized Abel was actually telling Tara a story. And he just didn't have the heart to interrupt.

"And the evil witch sent the bad men to put Princess Mommy to sleep. Until the prince came and beat up _all_ the bad people." Abel watched his mother expectantly. Abel liked stories and would listen when anybody told them, but he liked telling stories with his mommy best. Mommy was the only one who let him pick the voices she would use. And mommy was the only one who made up stories with him, the only one who let him make up stories all by himself. What Abel loved most was when he told silly stories, it was a game that only his mommy played with him. He'd say the silliest thing he could think of and mommy would stop him in the middle of his story, then start tickling him and calling him her 'silly boy'.

Abel was too young to understand a lot of things, too young to know that there were things he didn't understand. Didn't know why looking at his mommy in the bed made his stomach hurt and made him cry. What he did know was that he wanted his mommy to wake up. He wanted her to smile and tickle him and call him her silly boy again.

"This is a story about…puppies. Three puppies." He held up four fingers. "Three puppies that took a big boat to the park where they played. The blue puppy on the slide, the red puppy on the swing, and the orange puppy on the up down. And-"

"Abel,"

Her voice was so soft that Jax almost didn't hear her, but Abel perked up to the point where he nearly vibrated.

"Puppies can't drive a boat. My silly boy…a blue puppy."

Jax lifted Abel off the bed and into his arms before the boy could launch himself across his mother's body. Though he couldn't stop the squeal that flew out of the kid. Anymore than he could stop himself from leaning over her and pressing his lips forcefully to Tara's, giving Abel the opportunity to lean in and kiss her as well.

Tara's hand came up, finger's brushing lightly over Jax's cheek. "Smothering me."

"Shit, babe, sorry." But he kissed her again and again. And then again because he just couldn't help it. "Shit, sorry. I should get the doctor. I should..." He kissed her one more time just to feel her lips move against his. He knew there was a few things he should be doing, but at the moment all he wanted to do was look her. To take in the smile in her eyes and the subtle curl of her lips as she looked at Abel. To take in his son's happiness at seeing his mother awake. It was a perfect moment. And he just wanted to live in it for awhile.

* * *

It took some convincing on her part but Tara finally talked Jax into leaving her side long enough to go and get Thomas. She needed to see them, her boys, she needed to see them together. Abel, despite Jax's urging, chose to stay with her. He was still sitting on the bed, his hip pressed tight against hers. And Tara thought she could look at him all day.

Loving and being loved by Jax, Tara would swear, changed her on a molecular level. It was for her, the same as it had been for him apparently; he wasn't just a part of her life, he was a part of her. She knew now that she'd never be able to shake it. Knew that she could live to be a hundred years old and she would love Jax with all the passion and intensity that she had at sixteen. It wasn't a thought that brought her comfort, anymore than it distressed her. It simply was.

Yet none of that, nor anything else in her life, compared to what she felt for Abel and Thomas. Maybe some of it was selfish. They loved her so completely, so unreservedly. They loved her first, no one had ever loved Tara first. That it was impossible for Tara not to return their love tenfold.

It wasn't until Jax was in Stockton and Gemma was on house arrest that Tara began to understand. It had just been her and Abel. She had loved him, had already claimed him in her heart as her own, but had resigned herself to being third after Jax and Gemma. But it was okay because Tara was use to loving more than she was loved. Over time, however, it became obvious that wasn't the case with Abel.

The two weeks immediately following the start of Jax's stretch, Tara decided to spend some of the vacation time she accumulated. She and Abel did everything together, in truth she was afraid to let him out of her sight for any significant period of time. It was that feeling that lead to her keeping him in the bed with her at night. And despite Jax being locked up, despite those damn letters, it was one of the happiest times in her life. She found herself living for the way Abel's face would light up when he saw her in the morning. Living for the love that filled her near to bursting whenever she looked at him. So much so she found herself disappointed when it was time for her to return to work.

It made sense, with her being on house arrest, for Gemma to keep Abel while Tara worked. But it filled Tara with a sense of dread and she resigned herself to taking a backseat to grandma in Abel's heart. But that didn't happen. Abel continued to smile big when he saw her in the morning. And he practically shrieked when she picked him up from Gemma's in the evening. Nothing in the world made her as happy as when he'd look up at her with that big beautiful smile and stretched his tiny arms out to her as he babbled excitedly. She became his world, just as he became hers. The first time he said 'mama' it was all she could do not to sob and when he laid down for his nap that day she went into the bedroom and did just that.

When Thomas came along she was afraid. Afraid of being overwhelmed by two babies. Afraid that having Thomas would change the way she felt about Abel. Afraid that Thomas could not compete with the bond she shared with Abel.

Thomas' first night home, after Tara all but shoved Gemma out the door, she laid both babies side by side on the bed, her gaze flicking from one to the other wanting to pinpoint her feelings for each so she could pull them apart and study them. And yes, when her eyes fell to Abel she felt that bond, what Margaret would later tell her was the bond all mother's felt with their first born. And when she looked at Thomas there was a tug of a different kind. He was her baby, the little life that had still been sort of abstract even as he grew inside her. There was also wonder that this perfect beautiful little boy came from her. In the end she realized that while her thoughts diverged, the love was the same. That in her heart there was no distinction. She didn't just love them both, she loved them more than she thought possible, than she thought herself capable of.

Which was why she needed to see them, needed to touch them, and hold them. Needed to assure herself that she was still with them.

"I woke you up, Mommy."

Tara's lips curled, wanting more than anything to pull her boy to her chest. "Yes you did."

Abel smiled, his chest puffing up with pride. "I saved you."

A sob escaped before she could stop it. But she battled back the tears that wanted to follow. She couldn't upset Abel, wouldn't ruin this moment for him. "You did. And don't ever forget that, baby. You saved Mommy." She couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever be able to fully understand the depth and truth of those words.

"I think someone knows Mommy's awake." Jax spoke softly, the words practically a song, as he entered the room with Thomas in his arms. The baby had been bouncing in his arms since they left the daycare. Almost as if, like he said, he knew they were going to see Tara.

For the first time since she woke up Tara glanced away from Abel's face. Thomas was smiling, clapping his hands and babbling happily. He looked the most like Jax when he smiled and somehow Tara thought that was fitting.

"Monkey!" Abel laughed at the sight of his brother, causing Thomas to give an excited squeal in response and Jax to chuckle softly. "Mommy's up."

If there was a sound sweeter than her boys laughter, Tara honestly didn't know what it was. "Come here, Thomas."

Jax's smile faltered a bit. "Sorry, babe. Only reason the nurse let me bring him in was cause I promised not to let you hold him. She'll likely flip her shit when she comes in and sees Abel up there." But he pulled his chair close to the bed as he could.

Tara did her best to hide her disappointment, reminding herself just how close she came to never seeing either of her boys again let alone holding them. "At least let me kiss him."

Jax happily gave in to the request, leaning in until Tara could take Thomas's face in her hands and shower him with kisses. "Has the doctor been in?"

Shaking her head, Tara was reluctant to let go when Jax began to pull Thomas away. "The nurse paged him. Nothing he can tell me I don't already know."

"Still." He settled Thomas on his lap, trying to figure out the best way to get Abel off the bed. "Bobby, Chibs, and Tig are around." His voice was hesitant, not sure if she'd want to see them. "They're worried. If you don't want them here…"

It wasn't a simple answer and she couldn't help but feel a bit hypocritical. She'd been willing to turn them all in yet was glad that they were around. It never occurred to her that her feelings for Jax and SAMCRO-where she loved the man yet hated the club-extended to other members as well. She hated the club, what it turned Jax into, what it did to her. But try as she might, she just couldn't hate Bobby, Chibs, or Tig. Knew she didn't hate them when she made the deal with Patterson. It had simply come down between them and her boys. And there would never be a match up in which her boys wouldn't come out on top. Tara hoped they could understand that. "Yeah, it's fine."

"I'll get them in a bit." Jax smiled at his sons before reaching out to take Tara's hand. The time he had left was limited and he kind of just wanted it to be the four of them for awhile.

* * *

"When is the real doctor coming in? Or at least one old enough to shave."

"Dr. Lester has a very brilliant career ahead of him." Tara couldn't help but smile at the doubtful look on her husband's face. He'd been annoyed when Dr. Lester, and not Dr. Ormond, had come in. She already explained everything to him, so she wasn't entirely sure what it was he wanted to grill Dr. Ormond about. Tara thought maybe it was a peace of mind sort of thing. At least she hoped that's all it was.

Normally, when it came to anything medical, no matter who it related to, he took her word no questions asked. He said he forgave her, that he understood why she did what she did. But she couldn't help but wonder if he still didn't trust her, if he'd ever fully trust her again. "But you won't likely see Dr. Ormond for another," She glanced up at the clock on the wall opposite the bed. "six hours. Perk of the position."

"That's bullshit." Jax did his best to keep his voice from raising. Both boys-Thomas in his arms and Abel laying in the bed with Tara-were dozing off and it was well past time for them to be asleep. "You just came out of surgery, he's your doctor, the least he could do is get his ass here to answer your questions."

"I don't have any questions."

"I do. I know this is your thing, babe. You know this medical shit backwards and forwards." The day she announced their engagement to the club, she had several shots but still managed to patch up him and Opie with no problem. "But you're not the one who…" He nearly used the words 'cut you open' and had to quickly choked them back as they were too close to what Gemma had done to her and he didn't want to do or say anything that would make her think of Gemma. "Performed the surgery. I want to talk someone who was conscious at the time."

"Dr. Lester was there. And conscious." She wanted to take his hand, give his fingers a reassuring squeeze the way he'd done for her so many times before, but holding their boys restricted both of their movements. "Why didn't you ask him?"

"Because he's fucking twelve."

"Jax," Tara waited until his eyes met hers. "What's wrong?"

"You hear stories all the time about…how someone comes out of surgery and everything's fine and then two hours later they're dead or in a coma. I can't…I can't fucking lose you, babe."

"Would it make you feel better if the nurse paged him again." It wouldn't do much good and Tara thought Jax knew that, but it was obvious he needed to do something. To feel as though he was doing something. And he wouldn't be the first worried pain in the ass family member the hospital saw.

"We bug the guy enough, he'll get his ass here just to get me to give him a break."

It was sweet how he believed that, so Tara didn't bother to tell him that unless it was an emergency he could have Dr. Ormond paged until he was blue in the face and the doctor wouldn't come until morning when he started his rounds. "Alright."

* * *

Not even twenty minutes later they were informed by a nurse that Tara would be moved to another room. Tara assured him it wasn't because he'd gotten on everyone's nerves. It was an area of the hospital he wasn't familiar with, but it was a single room and bigger than the one she had when her hand was crushed. When that was explained to him, Jax thought it was a comfort thing. It wouldn't be until later that Jax would learn the move had been arranged by Margaret with the intent of putting a couple floors and the entire hospital between Tara and Gemma. At the time he'd just been grateful as he'd been told the new room had a couch to sleep on and was big enough for Thomas' pack and play if he wanted to bring it. Initially Jax didn't think that would be necessary, granted he knew he'd be more comfortable sleeping on the couch than in the chair as he had last time. But he didn't plan on keeping the boys at the hospital over night. It seemed his oldest had other ideas.

When they came to transport Tara, Jax had tried to get Abel off the bed but the kid was suddenly wide awake and refusing to budge. When he reached out to lift Abel off the bed himself, his son began to complain in a way Jax had never seen from him before. Helpless he looked to Tara, figuring this may have been a mood she was familiar with and hoped she could handle. She had reached out, running her hand gently over the back of Abel's head. She asked, in a voice she reserved especially for the boys, if he could get down and go with Daddy so the nice people could take her to a bigger room. But Abel shook his head, sad pout firmly in place, as he asked to stay with his mommy. And it was enough, not just for Tara, but for the transporters as well.

So while waiting on the elevator, they'd taken Tara up on a larger one, Jax made a call to Chucky to have someone go to the house and get Thomas' pack and play. He thought he'd see Chibs, Bobby, and Tig hanging around but it was an ungodly hour and the halls were clear. Absently he wondered if they'd gone back to the ice cream shop or down to the cafeteria. Either way he figured he'd give Tara some time to get settled in the new room and try to finally get Abel settled down. Tara had said she doubted the doctor would be in before nine, Jax was anxious to talk to him but thought the extra time would do them good.

By the time he got to her room- he'd gotten a little turned around- Bobby, Chibs and Tig were already standing at the door. And he found it hard to be annoyed when they were clearly exhausted and holding the most ridiculous collection of flowers, balloons, and bears.

"Where the hell did you find all that stuff this time of morning?" He spoke softly so as not to wake Thomas.

Tig shifted the large stuff bear he was holding, somehow looking both ridiculous and dangerous. "You don't want to know, boss. Trust us."

Jax couldn't even begin to guess where to find a stuff bear that sat at least waist high during normal business hours, let alone between three and five in the morning. "How'd you know she'd be up here?" And he really wanted to know how they found the room so easily. The transporters had given him directions and he still got lost.

"The redhead told us." Bobby explained. "She saw us, knew where we were headed. Since she was on her way up, anyway, she brought us. They're changing Tara's bandage or cleaning it, wasn't too sure. But if Tara's up to it, we can go in after they're done."

"I don't think the order to stay out extends to you, Jackie." Chibs gave nod towards the door. In his way, he was telling Jax to get his ass in the room with his wife.

Jax nodded. "Thanks for being here." He gave them all a tired smile before slipping into the room.

Tara was over on her side, there were two nurses on the side of the bed behind her only one glanced up when he came in. Margaret was at the foot of the bed, one hand placed over Tara's ankle in comfort even as her attention was on the nurses. After all she'd done for Tara, the numerous ways Jax had seen the way the older woman obviously cared for his wife, somehow it was that simple gesture that got through to him.

His brow had drawn together in confusion, panic beginning to flutter in his chest, when he didn't immediately see Abel.

"On the couch." Tara spoke softly. "He was sleep before we even got off the elevator."

The relief that rushed through him, brought a smile to his face. And he was glad that he wouldn't have to fight with his son about finally going to sleep. Especially since he lost every fight he'd had with Abel so far. Crossing the room he reached out to take her hand.

"How's it look?" Tara asked when she felt the nurse pull the bandage off and the cool air hit her skin. She knew the stitches would run longer than they would for a normal flank incision since the instrument that had caused the initial trauma needed to be cut out of her; though no one told her what the instrument was and with Abel listening so intently Tara refrained from asking.

Jax wanted to play dumb, wanted to act like he didn't hear her. Because more than anything he didn't want to look, the X-Rays were bad enough. And he had to force himself to look at those. With her here, her hand warm in his, Jax didn't want to look. He didn't want to see the damage Gemma caused, the damaged that filled him with a guilt he fought not to crumble under. He gave a quick glance, saw the stitches that curved around to her stomach and the red that stained her skin but couldn't be sure if that was blood or iodine. "I, uh, I can't tell really."

"It looks really good, Dr. Knowles." One of the nurses added. "But if you want, if you have your phone we can get a picture before replacing the bandage."

"That'll be great. Thanks."

Jax and Margaret shared a look, both knowing that Tara's phone had either been left at the house with her purse or with the clothes she had on when she was brought in. And no matter which scenario it had likely been taken by the police as evidence.

"Actually," Margaret began. "I brought one of the surgical team cameras. I figured you'd want to see. It's in the bag by the door, Jax."

When he got the camera, he'd been afraid they would ask him to take the picture and was relieved when the other nurse offered to do it for him. After the pictures were taken, Tara decided to look at them once she was settled, it didn't take the nurses long to apply a new bandage and position Tara so that she was propped in such a way that didn't have her laying on her stitches.

"You have a bit of a fan club out here waiting, Dr. Knowles. Is it okay to send them in?"

"Yeah, sure." Tara answer absently as she began to scroll through the pictures on the camera.

"Tara, I think you may want to be paying attention when they come in." Margaret advised as she, too, started for the door. "I'm going to head home, get a few hours sleep then I'll be back."

"You're exhausted, you don't have to come back today."

Margaret gave a warm smile but whatever she was going to say was lost as Tig shoved the door open wide for himself, Bobby, and Chibs could enter with their loot.

"Oh my God."

She giggled, honest to God giggled, and Jax thought he could kiss his brothers for doing this for her. It had been way too long since the last time he heard Tara giggle like that.


End file.
